a day in the dark is the new night

Nostalgia, etc.

heyruhnay — Thu, 22 May 2008 20:04:28 +0000

I’ve been incredibly nostalgic for 2004 lately. I don’t know what it is or why exactly it’s 2004 that I’ve been missing so much, but I’m constantly trying to relive it in my head. It was a good year – my junior year of college. Quite possibly it has a lot to do with the fact that it was the last year that I got to hang out with Chris all the time before he graduated, which pretty much epitomized my college experience (hanging out with Chris, that is. He was the only one of my friends that was consistent.) So I’ve been listening to music that reminds me of waking up early (8 a.m. HA!) on those spring mornings and driving up to Lewisburg to do my practicums. And the music that reminds me of going to Sig Ep parties (and standing there feeling awkward, haha). And music that reminds me of those incredibly long and depressing winter nights. And who could forget the music that reminds me of the drag races? haha.

I can’t WAIT for homecoming this year. Last year we were all pumped to go to the drag races like we always used to (when Chris would race his CR-V, and the guy at “The Beave” would make fun of him on the mic and call him “Jersey Boy” haha), and then we checked the schedule and saw that they were closed the ONE weekend we were going to be there. That sucked. But Chris said they’re open this year, so it’s going to be AMAZING, haha. It will feel like…… Fall 2004 all over again (which was the last time I was there, I believe). Oh hey, 2004 again (except that was my senior year of college).

Maybe I’ll just be the girl who never totally gets over college. So I’m going to keep wishing and hoping and praying to get out of here and find a job in PA soon.

Well, it’s time to go see if I can keep my eyes open long enough to read for an hour before 90210. I’m reading Nineteen Minutes right now, by Jodi Picoult. I’ve never read her books because they’ve been so mass-marketed and I tend to be something of a book snob (I’ll admit that I’ve lost respect for books that have ended up on Oprah’s Book Club — even though I just wrote my term paper for 701 on how she has done wonders for American literacy, especially among women), but this book is actually really really good. It’s about a school shooting in a high school. I saw her talk about it at the National Book Festival in DC in September and her research was intriguing. The book is so sad, especially because I think about the students in my high school and which ones would do it. And then I think about my administrator last year telling me it wasn’t my job to be concerned when one of my students (who was crazy) brought bullets to school and only got suspended for 10 days. There’s a part in this book where they’re going through the school after they’ve remanded the shooter into custody, and they find that a student has stayed behind in the building and he’s covering his teacher’s wounds and trying to save his life, and the cop tells him that the teacher is dead and the kid is so distraught because he cared about that teacher so much. I don’t think any of my students would do that for me. In fact, this group this year is pretty dumb. They’d probably hear shots and go running out into the hallway and get us all killed. One of the administrators DID tell me that I have the least safe classroom in the whole school because of where the door is positioned (behind a wall, in an alcove). Nice.

Past-Blasting.

heyruhnay — Sun, 18 May 2008 15:15:34 +0000

It was a good weekend with my friends. Except for the part where N. got so trashed on Friday night at G.’s house that he was proposing marriage to her — even though he’s engaged and her husband and children were asleep upstairs. J. seemed really mellow by comparison. I guess he was tired from the flight. I was exhausted from waking up at 5:30 that morning and it was almost 2 a.m. and we were still waiting for N. to be done hanging out. So J., Cori, Jen and I just waited in the kitchen and stood there. Falling asleep. We ended up not getting to sleep until 3 a.m. J. and N. left yesterday morning around 9:45. Cori stayed.

Did some shopping yesterday. I replaced my brown summer dress shoes that I broke the heel off of during my very bad day on Tuesday. I don’t know that I’m crazy about these, but they’re okay and they will suffice. Plus they were only $18.

There’s a person that I have a very dramatic past with. We don’t hang out anymore (and I don’t feel like describing the dramatic past because I don’t want this blog to turn into that. That’s what my old LJ was). Anyway, this person suggested that we attend this event this weekend (it’s today), and I said I didn’t know. I’ve distanced myself from him a lot in the last year and I’m not really all about wanting to let him get to me. So for me, I was never actually believing that he would actually say “okay let’s go through with this” — especially since he said that he would have to let me know, too. He’s been suggesting that we hang out a lot lately, and I keep saying no. This was something I actually wanted to do, so I might have gone. But he never said anything about it. Last night I left him a message and said that I guessed we weren’t going. But here’s the kicker, I’m really not that upset that we’re not going. I’m just pretending to be more upset to see if I can get him to feel guilty. He messed with my head for so many years, and now I want to do it right back to him. The problem is that sometimes, in pretending to be more upset than I actually am, I really do get upset. Mostly because it makes me think of the past and it pisses me off. This seems a little manipulative, but I’m entitled. I feel that after 8 or 9 years of being treated like I don’t matter, I’ve earned the right to stick up for myself a little bit.

So my apartment is once again empty and I’m hoping to finish reading Best Friends today. That gets me one step closer to Tori Spelling’s autobiography <3 hehe.

Back to blogging I go….

heyruhnay — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:38:12 +0000

I used to keep a LiveJournal religiously. Then it occurred to me that it was just a bunch of whining and I was sick of it. And then I didn’t want certain people being able to check up on me, so I consider this a fresh start. I know not many people care to keep up with what I’ve been up to, but just in case ….. here it is Carrie inspired me, haha.

I’m totally addicted to 90210. I love it. I just thought I’d put that out there.

Tonight should be fun. One of my old college roommates (Cori) is coming out (she lives on the other side of VA). My friend Jordan from high school is also coming just for tonight, along with one of his friends who also graduated with us, but whom I don’t know very well. He’s Jordan’s driver for the night since J. just flew in from Arizona. I don’t think I’ve seen him in about a year when me, him, and Cori went to Cinco de Estrada at the Curve and met Erik Estrada again, haha. We’re all going over to Gina’s tonight with a big group of my friends from Fred Vegas.

I can’t believe I have to start class again in 2 weeks. I was just starting to enjoy this break with nothing to do and the freedom to read all I wanted, and I still wasn’t able to read much. I’ll finish my fluff book (my brain needs a rest! I’m an English M.A. student!) this weekend maybe. And then I’ll move on to even more fluff (fluffier): sTori Telling by Tori Spelling. Laugh all you want, but I’m so excited to read Tori’s autobiography, haha.

And I’m spent.